There's a lot of support in this profession for the people being led. There's far less for the people doing the leading.
If you're a clinical director, practice owner, head nurse or practice manager, you're probably holding two things at once. A team whose expectations of work have changed, and rightly so. And a set of constraints, whether that's budgets, staffing, targets or decisions made elsewhere in the business, that you can't always change and can't always explain.
So you say no to things you'd love to say yes to. Then you carry how that lands with your team, too.
The pattern we see, over and over
- You came into leadership because you care about people, which usually means you're not a natural at disappointing them.
- You have plenty of places to talk about KPIs, and plenty of peers to compare notes with.
- You have almost nowhere to simply be a person having a hard time.
- You assume everyone else is managing this better than you are.
- You read about what good workplaces do, and quietly tot up where yours falls short.
Leadership in vetmed can be lonelier than anyone admits. You're expected to hold the emotional weather for everyone else, with nowhere to put your own.
And lots of us didn't plan for any of this. In vetmed, people often step into leading because they were good at the clinical work, or because someone had to. Maybe you've had some training in leading and managing others. Maybe you've had none, and you're learning as you go. Either way, it can seem like the whole world has forgotten that you're living this for the first time too. The first time leading this team, through this year, with these pressures, alongside everything else going on in your life outside work. Nobody gets a practice run at that.
There's a name for some of this. The sociologist Arlie Hochschild called it emotional labour (Hochschild, 1983): the work of managing your own feelings so that other people feel a certain way. Staying calm when you're not. Being upbeat at the huddle after a terrible night. Absorbing someone's frustration so it doesn't spread. It's real work, it's tiring, and it rarely shows up in a job description.
Noticing the gaps doesn't mean you're failing
Being aware of what more could be done isn't evidence that you personally are failing. Usually, it's evidence that you're the one paying attention. And it tends to hit hardest on the leaders who are already doing the most, and who want the best for their team.
If you're exhausted, that isn't a sign you're bad at this. Often it's a sign you've been holding a lot, for a long time, without anywhere to set it down.
Three places to start
1. Find one space where you're not the leader.
Not a management meeting, a KPI review or a debrief. Somewhere you can say "I'm finding this hard" without it becoming a performance issue, or something your team will hear about. That might be a friend outside the practice, a peer from a different practice, or a coach. What matters is that it's regular, and that it's yours.
A quick test: when did you last talk about how you're doing, rather than how the team, the rota or the numbers are doing? If you can't remember, that's your starting point.
2. Own the message, without pretending it was your idea.
Some of the hardest conversations are the ones where you're delivering a decision you didn't make, and might not agree with. It's tempting to say "it's come from above" or "it's not my call". That can feel kind in the moment, but it often backfires. It can leave you looking powerless, split the team into "us and them", and in some organisations it isn't something you're expected to say.
You don't have to pretend you love the decision. You also don't have to throw anyone under the bus. Before the conversation, check what you're able to share. Then try three parts:
- What the decision is, clearly.
- What you can tell them about why, as honestly as you're able.
- What you can do, even if it's small.
"We can't make that rota change this month. The budget isn't there for it right now, and I know that's frustrating, especially after the last few weeks. What I can do is look at it again with you in January, and in the meantime I'll protect your Friday finish."
People tend to cope better with an honest, clear no than a vague maybe. And you'll carry less of it home.
If difficult conversations are the part you find trickiest, our free Confident Conversations and How to Say No session is particularly useful. You can sign up for it by email.
3. Pick one thing, not the whole list.
When you've read every article on what good workplaces do, it's easy to feel you're behind on all of it. You can't do everything at once, and trying to will wear you down faster. Pick one small thing that's within your control this month: a proper handover at the end of the day, a five-minute check-in after a hard case, leaving on time yourself so others feel they can. Do that well. Then pick the next one.
A space that's yours
We have leaders come through the Signature Programme all the time: practice owners, clinical directors, head nurses and practice managers. For lots of them, it's the first space in years that's about them, not their team.
It's people from across the profession rather than your own practice, so you don't have to have it all together. There are live group coaching calls, and tools for the things leaders carry: the conversation you're dreading, the guilt of saying no, the inbox you check on a Sunday night, and the question of how long you can keep going like this. And there are other people who get it, which is often the part that helps most.
Sometimes what you're holding is too specific, or too confidential, for a group. That's where 1:1 coaching comes in. You work with one of the Vet Empowered coaches on your situation: a tricky team dynamic, a decision you can't talk about at work yet, or working out what you need to keep doing this job well.
Lots of practices fund this kind of support from their CPD budget, and that can include support for leaders. If yours would come from a budget like that, our Ask your employer page makes the conversation easier. And if you're the one holding the budget, consider this your reminder that support for you counts too.
If things feel heavier than this, please don't carry it alone. Vetlife is there for everyone in the veterinary community, leaders included, on 0303 040 2551, any time.
We'd love to hear from you
We're still working out what would be most useful for leaders, and the people it's for should be the ones telling us. If this sounds like you, get in touch. And if you'd like to talk about support for your whole team, our free Practice Guide is a good place to start.
